i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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