i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
