you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
