she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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