Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
