Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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