We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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