In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
