just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are a genius and a whore.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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