dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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