Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
