You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
