thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
