I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
