If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
