I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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