my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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