first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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