If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
