Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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