i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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