I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
