Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
