So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
