time to smoke my breakfast
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
