I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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