you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
