I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
