My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize