Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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