she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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