So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
