I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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