4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
