we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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