It was confusing and full of hummus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
