I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
