Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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