i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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