so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
