So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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