I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
