I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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