so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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