i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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