All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
