there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
