He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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