Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
