Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
