Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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