if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.