I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"