also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.