Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?