OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son