i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As shirtless as possible
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
