Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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