During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
