I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
