one two three fourrrrnication!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
