sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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