Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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