Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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