Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
