i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
