I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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