Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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