At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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