i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
