He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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