Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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