Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
