did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
