I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
