Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
