You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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