just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
