Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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