I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
