I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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