if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
send nudes
from the living room?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
