Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
