There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
