Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
