I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
