Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
