I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
